


How Do You Feel

by Tired_Not_Dead



Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internal Monologue, Mental Breakdown, Other, Poetry, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:01:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24324700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tired_Not_Dead/pseuds/Tired_Not_Dead
Summary: Drumbot Brian has a breakdown over his inability to feel properly. A small internal monologue in the style of a poem. Small tw for implied s*lf-h*rm.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	How Do You Feel

How Do You Feel? 

No, not emotionally,

not how are you today,

not anything like that.

And not in the sense of how do you reach out and touch things.

_No._

How do you specifically feel?

How soft is your skin?

Do your calloused hands feel stiff or is there still a certain softness to them?

I know your skin is warm,

I can read the temperature on your skin when I hold you in my arms,

but what does that warmth feel like?

When a light dusting of pink covers your cheeks and you hide behind your hand,

what does that warmth feel like?

How soft are the lips that dust light kisses across my cheek?

The tears that fall from your eyes,

do they stain your face with a stiff salt?

Does it make the final smiles I’ve brought to your face feel

crusty and cracked?

Does the heat burn your skin as your throat closes from the emotions?

How does it feel to have your throat close?

**How do you feel?**

  
  


How Do I Feel? 

When you hold me in your arms,

wrapped so tightly,

is it comfortable?

I am just metal,

warped sheets and bolts.

Cold and mechanical,

the only thing soft hidden away in layer upon layer of steel.

A faint beating in my chest,

covered by gears grinding and fans whirring,

fake lungs compressing air and pulling it back in,

soft mechanical wheezing.

When I touch your face and wipe away your tears,

is it like a metal rod pressed against your cheek?

When your fingers graze my lips they are cold,

devoid of life?

Would you ever dream of kissing them?

Or perhaps it is more of an obligation.

Do you enjoy touching this metal frame?

Harsh and crushing hands that rend ships apart

are not meant to be held.

**How do I feel?**

  
  


Is This How I Feel? 

The warmth of your skin is

just numbers on a screen.

the tears on your cheeks are nothing but

_sodium chloride,_

_H20,_

_stress proteins_

_and immunoglobulin a._

Your touch is just pressure,

filtered through code and

sent to my mind as

_‘physical contact’._

Your breath is just

_carbon,_

_a mixture of other minor chemicals,_

_and a light breeze._

I do not _‘feel’_ this breeze,

but I know it is there,

pressed against metal skin.

I cannot have shivers sent down my spine,

not goosebumps rise on pale flesh.

My body does not blush,

nor does it truly feel.

**Is this how I feel?**

  
  


How Can I Feel You? 

Maybe if I once again had flesh.

Maybe if I was exposed and vulnerable like all of you.

_Maybe If the metal was gone._

_Maybe If the metal was gone._

_Maybe If the metal was gone._

Maybe if I tore it all apart,

down to nothing but wires and gears,

I could feel your skin on my hand,

the warmth of your face,

the softness of your lips.

_Maybe If the metal was gone._

_Maybe If the metal was gone._

_Maybe If the metal was gone._

Maybe if I tore myself apart I could be human again.

Maybe then I could feel you.

**Maybe I will try.**

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! This was originally from a RP server with some friends that I fixed up and formatted into something a bit more funky. Please leave a kudos and comment it means a lot! <3


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